The 25 Funniest quotes From Airplane

Robert Hays and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar - two of the stars of Airplane! - have reprised their roles for a Wisconsin tourism advert. Here we recall 25 of the funniest quotes from the film.

The 25 funniest quotes from #AIRPLANE! pic.twitter.com/bggPkyudBi

— Airline Updates (@airline_updates) April 25, 2016

1. Rumack: What was it we had for dinner tonight?
Elaine Dickinson: Well, we had a choice of steak or fish.
Rumack: Yes, yes, I remember, I had lasagna.

2. Rumack: Can you fly this plane, and land it?
Ted Striker: Surely you can’t be serious.
Rumack: I am serious… and don’t call me Shirley.

3. Lady: Nervous?
Ted Striker: Yes.
Lady: First time?
Ted Striker: No, I’ve been nervous lots of times.

4. Ted Striker: It was a rough place - the seediest dive on the wharf. Populated with every reject and cutthroat from Bombay to Calcutta. It’s worse than Detroit.

5. Ted Striker: It was at that moment that I first realised Elaine had doubts about our relationship. And that, as much as anything else, led to my drinking problem. [Pours drink over face].

6. Rumack: Captain, how soon can you land?
Captain Oveur: I can’t tell.
Rumack: You can tell me. I’m a doctor.
Captain Oveur: No. I mean I’m just not sure.
Rumack: Well, can’t you take a guess?
Captain Oveur: Well, not for another two hours.
Rumack: You can’t take a guess for another two hours?

7. Elaine Dickinson: There’s no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you’ll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?

8. Rumack: You’d better tell the Captain we’ve got to land as soon as we can. This woman has to be gotten to a hospital.
Elaine Dickinson: A hospital? What is it?
Rumack: It’s a big building with patients, but that’s not important right now.

9. Elaine Dickinson: You got a letter from headquarters this morning.
Ted Striker: What is it?
Elaine Dickinson: It’s a big building where generals meet, but that’s not important.

10. Controller: I know but this guy has no flying experience at all. He’s a menace to himself and everything else in the air… yes, birds too.

11. Ted Striker: My orders came through. My squadron ships out tomorrow. We’re bombing the storage depots at Daiquiri at 1800 hours. We’re coming in from the north, below their radar.
Elaine Dickinson: When will you be back?
Ted Striker: I can’t tell you that. It’s classified.

12. Rumack: [to the passengers] All right, I’m going to level with you all. But what’s most important now is that you remain calm. There is no reason to panic. [Rumack’s nose grows]. Now, it is true that one of the crew members is ill… slightly ill. [Rumack’s nose continues to grow]. But the other two pilots… they’re just fine. They’re at the controls flying the plane… free to pursue a life of religious fulfilment.

13. Ted Striker: I flew single engine fighters in the Air Force, but this plane has four engines. It’s an entirely different kind of flying, altogether.
Rumack, Randy: [together] It’s an entirely different kind of flying.

14. Rumack: The life of everyone on board depends upon just one thing: finding someone back there who can not only fly this plane, but who didn’t have fish for dinner.

15. Steve McCroskey: Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit smoking.

16. Steve McCroskey: Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit drinking.

17. Steve McCroskey: Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines.

18. Steve McCroskey: Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.

19. Captain Oveur: You ever been in a cockpit before?
Joey: No sir, I’ve never been up in a plane before.
Captain Oveur: You ever seen a grown man naked?

20. Captain Oveur: Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?

21. Captain Oveur: Joey, have you ever been in a Turkish prison?

22. Roger Murdock: We have clearance, Clarence.
Captain Oveur: Roger, Roger. What’s our vector, Victor?

23. Rex Kramer: Get that finger out of your ear! You don’t know where that finger’s been!

24. Jack Kirkpatrick: Shanna, they bought their tickets, they knew what they were getting into. I say, let ’em crash.

25. Rumack: I just want to tell you both good luck. We’re all counting on you.

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